Tag Archives: kindness

I see you, busy man.

I had a super nice walk at lunch today. I put my earphones in and moseyed around the business complex ~ I usually opt for the path that goes along the Mohawk River but I just felt like going today without having to get into my car. So, I did. My music was bangin’ (on a Dave Matthews Band channel) and I couldn’t help but bebop my head and shoulders as I walked. It’s just that kind of day.

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Normally Tuesdays are kind of sucky. They are Monday’s bastard hangover. I don’t know what it is but Mondays I show up and Tuesdays I…try? I do try. I just usually fall very short. Not today apparently!

So I enjoyed my leisurely walk. I even had enough time to stop at Cumbies for a Sparkling Sno.  At the counter, there was only 1 register of two opened and I happened to be standing near the second one when it re-opened. Now, I’m a polite person, I was going to offer the first spot to the next person in the other line as they had been waiting. I didn’t even have a chance to do that today because some super-busy dude barrelled right on ahead of me as if he had the ultimate right to do so; almost like he did not see me standing there.

I stood there, still happy, but the teeniest bit affronted. I let a lot of shit slide nowadays – sometimes I even wonder if I’m not being a complete doormat, which is amazing considering I feel like I was much more abrasive and vocal in other chapters of my life. This chapter isn’t that way though. So you know what I opted for instead?

I spoke up and asked him if he was having a busy day. At that point, he turned and looked at me, a bit startled to see me standing there, and even more startled that I noticed him and spoke to him. The door opened for positive human interaction. He works at the airport, a lot of hours, feels busy – too busy.  I also discovered that he used to be a paralegal, too. Now, I’m not excusing his “me first” behavior – but I will say I think it’s a mark of just how busy we all can be during our day-to-day lives that we don’t notice each other, think to notice each other, or think to acknowledge the battles of the person in front of us or behind us in line. We all will come face-to-face with ourselves at some point ~ I think it’s important that we like what we see, without any shame or regret, if possible.

Thoughts about Being Influenced versus Seeking Validation/Acknowledgment

A Facebook friend confided on her page yesterday that she feels that she has made a lot of decisions in her life based on the influence of others. She mentioned that, recently, she was sharing how her training for a marathon is going and when this individual was not as enthused as she was, she felt let down. She indicates that, perhaps, she’s putting too much stock into what others think about who she is and what she’s up to. I had to give that post a “like” because we’ve all been there. I think we’ve all felt that deflation when we’re excited about something in our lives and nobody else seems to be.

While sometimes that sinking feeling can come from caring too much about what others think, I think it’s only natural to want others to simply acknowledge our “awesome thing” and say to us – Hey, you know what? That’s freakin’ awesome, dude. Go you!

We are human and, as humans, we seek connection.

It isn’t always being influenced by the opinion of others – sometimes it’s simply looking for validation or acknowledgement of our efforts in a difficult and busy world. I don’t have to understand the drive behind someone training for a marathon to be able to participate in that conversation. To tell them that I wish them the best in their efforts. To acknowledge how hard it must be to train on the days when the weather isn’t cooperative, or when you’re sore or tired or in a bad mood. The fact that anyone can overcome these obstacles and run 26+ miles in a race is a huge feat. [One I will never do, so why would I knock it?]

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The thing is, I believe that when we share a bit of ourselves with another person it’s an act of love and it can hurt when it isn’t returned. That’s because it hurts to not be acknowledged. That’s not influence – that’s a larger scale version of waving at someone that you are friendly with and having them ignore you when you know they saw you.

In my opinion, someone’s influence would be more along the lines of allowing your family to guide you along a certain educational path or career. Perhaps who you marry and when; do you have children or do you not? Perhaps your clothing and your manner of speaking so that you fit into a crowd…again…seeking some sort of acceptance that truly varies from who you are inside.

In summary, just be good humans to each other. If someone’s excited about something you don’t understand, it’s okay that you don’t understand it – but understand that they are pumped up about it and be pumped up about their pumped-up-ness. Yeah! #GoTeam!

New Years Resolution: Don’t be a jerk.

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So there I was, scrollin’ through Reddit before bed and I ran across this Tweet. You know what? It was something I needed to see because I was already beginning to dread how PACKED my gym was going to get starting January 1st, as if my gym routine is somehow more important than someone else’s. Like, just because I joined right after Thanksgiving means that I’m oh-so-much farther ahead on my fitness journey and have the bragging rights to that. Nah, son. I’m not corny and boring.

When I was a fitness instructor, I looked forward to the “New Years Resolutioners” because it would ensure that we would have newbies coming through the doors and it was my opportunity to make their new journey a (hopefully) different and life-changing one. Plus, the more members I signed up the bigger monthly bonuses I received. But that was me as an instructor. Me as a participant is selfish ~ I don’t want to have to fight to get into my favorite classes for the next two months when statistics show that at least 50% of them are going to quit anyway. See how those two roles contrast completely? One is very optimistic and the other is quite pessimistic.

I need to look at it the way I did as an instructor: When I see someone new, say hello to them and be a friendly face that will encourage them to come back. Everyone starts somewhere. I mean, I’m re-starting myself – trying different things, trying to reign in my holiday eating habits. I’m no better than anyone else.

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This is me on day #4 of my sugar detox ~ I treated myself to a froyo today because I probably eat that maybe 2x a year at most. Instead of it being a compulsive choice, it was a calculated one and it feels better and more in control.

I have some big goals set for myself in 2019, but the one I am starting first relates to being patient with the Resolutioners. Maybe more of them will make it past the first couple of months with a bit of kindness from gym regulars.