Monthly Archives: February 2020

Keeping up the optimism for 2020

I find myself staring into the month of February feeling a bit overloaded, stressed, but determined to be optimistic.

Even though I hadn’t talked about it publicly, I had a goal in mind to be part time (down to 30) hours at my job by June. I like having goals and actively working toward something and I was expecting that it COULD work. However, the attorney I work with, Christine, has resigned and will be leaving now in 2 weeks. I’m sad on quite a few levels because I really, really like working with her. She’s smart, she’s approachable, she takes the time to answer my questions and has always been very understanding and supportive. But…she found an opportunity she couldn’t pass up! So while I’m sad for me and my increased workload, I am also happy for her and want her to kill it. I also want to kill it on my end and rise to the occasion, but not to the detriment of my own happiness.

I haven’t been very happy this week. I’ve been tired because apparently now, instead of stress affecting the way I eat, it’s affecting the way I sleep. I’ve been waking up before my wife’s alarm goes off at 4:30 and I’m just kinda awake for the day, making it feel like 2 days in one.

But it’s the weekend and I have today all to myself. I am in my craft room about to get serious about some projects and let my mind wander.

I’m thinking of taking a chance and applying to the Jay Street Marketplace for the summer months. It’ll be a minimum of 5 Sundays through the season and it may be a fabulous opportunity for me to get more of my items out there for sale. It will require me to focus a bit more in my free time, but I really love it. I don’t want to lose track of the things I am working toward just because my full time job has gotten busier.

I’ve been plugging along slowly with new items, my latest being:

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You can find this in my Etsy shop HERE

I’m getting better at using my glass cutter and I was able to get VERY nice lines out of this wine bottle to make this candle. Wine bottles are the hardest because they are so very thick ~ check out the thickness in this close-up:

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This was one of my best cuts yet ~ nice and even.

I don’t want to lose sight of my own personal goals just because work is on my mind a lot more lately. I’ve done that many times in my life – lost focus of what I want due to distractions in relationships, jobs, conflicting goals…sometimes I wonder where I’d be in life right now if I hadn’t made much of my decisions based on the needs of other people. Would I be farther ahead in life? Would I have a higher education? Where would I be living? Who would I be today?

I do think that there’s a grand plan that I’m not in control of, so I don’t tend to focus a lot on the “what-ifs”, but sometimes I do wonder what my life would be like if I had stuck to my guns about more things instead of allowing myself to be swayed.

 

 

Heartache, Optimism, and then Sickness

I’ve had a hell of a week.

A week ago today was my wife’s grandmother’s funeral. Clementina DiCocco was 98 years old and was largely independent up until the turn of the year. Her passing was as peaceful as it could be and it was surrounded by her loved ones. We should all be so lucky to reach her age and live the way she did – on her own and on her own terms. I grieve for those she left behind because even though she lived a very long life, her family is now entering into chapters of their lives that do not include her.

Monday and Tuesday my sister and I went to Manhattan to visit my parents and to attend some doctor’s appointments for my mother’s upcoming new treatments (a different chemotherapy and the beginning of her immunotherapy). The doctors seemed very optimistic and matter-of-fact about the procedure and it’s side effects; I can’t help but feel very positive about everything. It’s a relief; part of the appointments were to scan and evaluate her cancer to see if anything had changed. Even though we didn’t really discuss it, likely I wasn’t the only one wondering if things had gotten worse – too worse for the immunotherapy. Luckily, that wasn’t the case. I swear, even though cancer’s a shit stick no matter what, I can’t help but feel like my mother has been blessed in all of the ways she could be despite having it.

Upon returning to the area, my scratchy throat had gotten worse and it became more evident that it wasn’t just an allergy (as Sunday I had swept the basement and stirred up quite a bit of dust), but something more. I worked about 4 hours on Wednesday before a fever came on that Tylenol didn’t touch brought me home and right to bed. Since then, life’s been a bit of a feverish blur. Yay for the flu and no; I didn’t have a flu shot. I’ve actually never have had one but I think I will do it next cold season.

I’m worried that I exposed my mom to it; had I have known it was something more than an allergy I would have postponed my trip. I’m glad though that she wasn’t at her most vulnerable state. I can’t tell my dad how sick I was because I worry that next time I want to visit, he will question what type of germs I may bring down with me when I am normally a very healthy person. I get one good knock-down, drag-out sickness a year and apparently this is it.

I’m also worried about the mounting workload at the office because I was out for 3 days and then an unexpected 2 and a half days more. I’ll be going back in to some irritated clients; confused as to why I haven’t gotten back to them when I am normally very prompt. I am trying to shake the fucks off about this but it’s hard – I care about people and I care about what I do.

Today I feel well enough to be in my craft room using my desktop, soaking up the heat from the space heater and watching some Netflix. It’s a change of scenery from the couch or my bed, as that’s all I’ve really seen the past 48 hours. I don’t know if I am actually up to working on anything but just being in a different room of my house feels a bit refreshing.

I will share some of the things I have finished and posted recently though!

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Serene Hanging Sea Glass Bottle – Click HERE 

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Lotus Flower and Newsprint Lighted Bottle – Click HERE

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This was created from the bottom of the Serene Hanging Sea Glass Bottle shown above.

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The flower is from a ladies’ vintage clip on earring.

 

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This I made specifically for the Schenectady Trading Company; it will be available there tomorrow!

No matter how I am feeling tomorrow, I have to get out of the house for a bit. Even if it’s just for an hour or two. I plan on going to the Schenectady Trading Company to change out some inventory and if I can go to work for a bit to push out some work that’d be great, too.

Holy moly though, does my head ache. Moving my head, looking from side to side…my eyeballs feel like they are being pushed out of my skull. Adam’s really enjoyed having me around though. He has been my constant companion. That, and a glass of cold water.