So I came off of the weekend and rolled on into Monday a bit better rested from Sunday’s night’s sleep, but still not really feeling myself. I had two meetings in the morning (which is not usual for me) and then surprise! My yearly review would be happening that very day, and I’d be the very first one to have theirs. I didn’t feel prepared but I went with it.
Over the years I’ve honed the skill of being able to hide my anxiety and somehow manage the words that come out of my mouth so that they don’t always 100% reflect the inner turmoil I may be experiencing at the time. I was able to keep my shit in check for this meeting and I’m grateful for that. I was even more grateful for the shower I took as soon as I got home because I had the anxiety sweats all day – the caffeine I had in the morning didn’t help.
Anyway, my annual review went very well!
…and I’m not just saying this because I received a nice raise and a nice bonus. Money is nice but feeling seen sometimes is quite priceless.
Here, I don’t feel doubted and I don’t receive any side-eye when I need time off for something. I remember feeling ostracized at my last firm if I took an unexpected day off. The day following I felt snubbed and basically ignored; as if I needed to be punished for taking a day to either be sick or take care of my mental health. Here, I don’t get that. I’m trusted to do my job; I was trusted even upon walking in on my first day without even having to prove myself. So despite the fact that I took more time off last year than I ever had with a job, I felt (and feel) appreciated, trusted, valuable, and respected.
I feel like 2020 is already full of good things for those around me and for me, too. It’s refreshing and while I know there will be tough parts to the year ahead, I am going to bask in its wonderfulness right now.