This morning I woke up after a pretty thick night’s sleep ~ I do my best overnight thinking it seems when I’m OUT like a light! (Thank you, Nyquil!) But it was a continuation of my thoughts from yesterday – am I wasting my time? What am I doing with myself?
My crafts aren’t really selling and I spend a lot of time making, thinking, doing, trying, reading, strategizing. I’ve had one sale in the Schenectady Trading Company over the past two months and I have a feeling that soon she’ll ask me to remove my items because why should she let my items take up space if they aren’t hot sellers? I couldn’t even blame her should this be what happens.
My friends, my wife, customers that walked by my booth at the craft show on October 26th all have positive and wonderful things to say about my art. My wife says I just haven’t found the right audience. Maybe I just haven’t found my “thing”.
It all takes a lot of energy. However, I really enjoy the actual making of the things so I’ll continue to putter along with it but I think I need to step back and think more about goals and dreams I have cast aside over the years as I jumped from one interest to another. Weird Glass Art Studio isn’t going to be my big break away from the 9-5 life.
My entire life has been this intricate weaving of various goals, interests, projects, lifestyles, social groups, career paths, jobs, achievements and failures. Scribble across a page randomly and that’s been my 36 years on earth in a nutshell. I’m well aware that I’m an acquired taste as a person – I have this constant life to-do list that is likely exhausting to a person who isn’t on the same wavelength. I wanna do all the things. All the time.
As the years go by, I become more and more introverted and less likely to share anything about myself – my interests, my hobbies, my bucket list that doesn’t ever grow smaller – only larger. I’ve become conscious of judgment about it and the sneers behind my back. I still do whatever I want but I’ve become much more quieter about it.
Last week, I started my novel. Ever since I was in elementary school, I’ve dreamed of being a writer. I consider myself a writer now, along with various other things…but I really want to have a work published in my lifetime. I wrote a few paragraphs and read them over and over (because that’s what I do – I want everything to be perfect) and became discouraged and put the project down temporarily to reconfigure my idea’s starting point. Where I truly want to begin has formed and after this blog, I’m going to put pen to paper and I’m going to make it happen.
I’m feeling extra inspired because I went to the eye doctor’s office this evening after work. This may sound weird and dull but turns out…
…my new eye doctor is a newly-published author! How freakin’ cool is that? We had a really nice and energizing conversation about writing and the end of the world. It’s so true – inspiration can be found all over the place. He has a boring “adult” job (sorry, Bill!) and obviously has this huge creative streak outside of that life that probably not a lot of people assume that he has. I mean, how many of us are on auto-pilot in our day to day lives and don’t stop and consider that the person checking your eyeballs probably has a very full and interesting life, too? How many of us think about this with people who serve us coffee or deliver our mail?
Anyway, pen to paper.