Oh, my achin’….anxiety.
It’s been kicked the EFF UP the past few weeks (off and on, but mostly on). Sometimes I cannot pinpoint the cause of my anxiety; in this case I can point in the direction it’s coming from but can’t state what, within that, is exactly causing it. It remains to be seen. It’s all work, too. It’s all about my job – which is strange because up until a few weeks ago, work was the least stressful thing in my life.
But things have shifted.
We all have a lot of work to do and the vibes are just wrong. Laying in bed at night has me dreading the work day…I haven’t felt that way about a job in YEARS. But I just find myself wanting to focus more on doing and less typing. More picking vegetables, more cooking and preserving (which in the past few years I’ve not done, really), more creating art, more cleaning and organizing. More decluttering. More…MORE life, less papers and e-mails.
I want to go back to this feeling:
Chillin’ and enjoying life by the moment.
I am exhausted from fighting clients that I’m trying to help…that hired us TO HELP…on top of a large workload. I wish people would stop and consider that they are one of over 100 files I am working on and that I take what I do very seriously. I don’t half-ass it; I want to see it through and see it all done correctly. I’m good at what I do and I do like it – it’s an area of law I find interesting. But man, so many argumentative, difficult people recently has me wondering what the purpose of everything is anyway. People have over-complicated everything, even the stuff that happens after we die and often lack appreciation for the people that help us navigate through it.
It’ll all get better ~ something has to give. I’m not even sure if my feelings of anxiety are all mine – I could very well be picking up on the feelings of others. I just want to feel better again. More calm and at peace again…and not just for a moment. Like, continuous moments. So, for that, I re-downloaded the Headspace app a few days ago and, every night, I’ve been meditating for 10 minutes before bed. It’s helped so far calm me down enough to fall asleep at a decent time but last night it was no good, which is expected. It takes practice and re-training of the brain. I’ll get there.