In this age of constant contact, I find myself feeling lonelier than I ever have remembered feeling. Sometimes I feel like I’m yelling into a dark room or off of a ledge and I know there are people around, but no one hears me or sees me.
That feels like one of the saddest things I’ve ever written and it kind of is. I don’t think that social media is bringing people together. I think we’re all just standing and staring into an abyss, hoping for an echo.
I don’t remember ever really knowing what loneliness was like. I’ve been blessed that way; I don’t know if it’s just my personality or how I was raised but I’ve never felt like I needed too many people in my life. I am quite comfortable being on my own, in my own quiet, doing my own thing. Silence doesn’t make me uneasy. My mom is this way. She can sit for hours on the couch, crocheting a blanket while watching Netflix. I do not know how to crochet but I do a lot of crafting while watching Netflix by myself on the weekends. It has been my routine this winter. I’ve been such a hermit.
During some of my alone time though I find that there’s a pit growing of what I believe is loneliness. This feeling of knowing there are only a few people in my life who truly care and everyone else I’m exposed to has their eyes set on more glittery and flashy things. I’ve grown dull; I’ve grown quiet. I’ve grown stronger and calmer. The world around me has inflated, becoming not as important because of all the distractions it brings. Priorities shifted. Rules changed. Personal interactions minimized. People, things, emotions left behind because of this drive to keep pushing forward in a time where busy-ness and urgency is a sign of success.
I’m feeling a bit like the world is moving on with out me and I’m not changing with it, only because of it.