I had great dreams about today ~ I mean, I started off strong!
My alarm went off at 7:30 and I had no idea where I was and where the noise was coming from…you know that kind of sleep. So deep that you aren’t even sure what year it is anymore. I ended up hitting snooze a bunch of times, only to realize it was 8:15 and I had to be across town for a fitness class at 9. Oh yeah, and I thought about bailing on it but since I allowed myself to bail yesterday, I was not going to do that two days in a row.
I went and punched and kicked the air with a group of strangers, burning over 400 calories in the process. I felt revved up and not as silly as I did the other day. I am finding a rhythm with BodyCombat some ~ it’s just hard to not be able to consider my form during certain moves because they are meant to be fast, not perfect.
Then I went grocery shopping, totally riding the endorphin wave and feelin’ like a rockstar with a cart full of healthy stuffs. I came home, put it all away and then made myself 3 scrambled eggs with half of an avocado. It’s such a simple breakfast but just so tasty and satisfying. My whole morning felt satisfying…
Until the sugar withdrawals started kicking in. I’ve had this headache around my eyes and forehead for most of my day now and, as I type, I’m sitting in front of two fistfuls of chocolates from my Christmas stocking. I have not touched any of it because, to be quite honest, if this is how it feels to be cutting it out – that shit isn’t worth it. So what, it tastes awesome…is it worth how it bites back when you don’t eat it?
What were my big plans for today? Spending it in my craft room. I just can’t focus so, instead of creating, I put a couple of new items up for sale in my Etsy shop. Items I had up for sale previously but haven’t yet sold. I’m ready to get rid of some of this excess in my life so I priced them very inexpensively.
I remember when I started making crafts “more seriously” a couple of years ago, I thought I knew it all. I’m like “Oh yeah, I know how to market! I’ve been marketing for [a former job] for years now!” I had a very rude awakening with that, once my “celebrity star” faded and I realized that I can excel at what I’m told to do ~ given direction to do ~ not necessarily taking lead myself because I lack the true knowledge and understanding of it. Yes, I’ve had successful shows and I’ve sold items online via other names, but I’ve also had months where I struggled to sell a single thing. I’ve had a craft show or two where I lost money. It can be very discouraging.
Sometimes I wonder why I even bother; I have so much stuff in inventory still that it just feels like excess clutter. The thing is though that I don’t always craft with the intention of selling. Sometimes the act of creating is a balm for whatever I may be feeling at the time. It’s a way for me to allow my brain to function differently, out of the routine of my busy life. So, really, it isn’t always about the sale, it’s about the process, and I can tell you the mood I was in when I created certain things. For example – the “Love” bottles. I was going through a divorce – not just from my husband, but from fake friends and a life that I had grown comfortable with. I personally wasn’t feeling a lot of love but I really wanted to. The “Home Sweet Home” vases – I was living in an apartment and I craved living in a place that felt like a home again. I was anxious to begin looking for another house to buy so I could put down roots again and feel like my place in the world wasn’t so temporary, so fleeting.
But back to being productive – I wish I felt more productive today but it just isn’t in the cards. I suppose though that the act of this sugar detoxification I’m currently suffering though is productive in its own way and I need to give credit to that. I did list those two new items on Etsy – that’s productive. I also bought groceries to set myself up for eating success this week, did a load of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, and took the time to write this blog. I guess I am a productive “loser” after all. 🙂